At the end of November, O.J. Simpson will appear in a televised special on FOX entitled "If I Did It, Here's How It Happened." It is a little known fact that Scream Jerk landed this blockbuster sit-down several years ago but was unable to conduct the interview as scheduled because of a swollen feeling in my neck.
Why are we so upset that something like this is going to be televised? This is exactly the kind of programming the America people are asking for. If you think I'm wrong consider the following:
- America's pastime, baseball, continues to draw some of the worst television ratings for any sport. The only time baseball draws any audience, for example during the World Series, is when the New York Yankees are in it. Why? Because we like to HATE the Yankees. Hate mongers!!
- Does anyone remember the O.J. Simpson trial? Every minute of that legal circus was televised. The local newscasts would include sports, weather and the latest from the trial. We craved it. Why? Because we got to see a real life celebrity go down in flames. Flame mongers!!
- Honestly, if you had to choose between watching reruns of Full House or a supposed confession from O.J. Simpson, which would you choose? No offense, Dave Collier, but when you tanked it on Skating With The Stars, you ruined Full House for me! John Stamos mongers!!
The networks air this shit because we watch this shit. FOX is never going to air, say, a puppy being ripped apart by school children because the audience isn't quite there. But hearing O.J. almost admit to murder after already being acquitted? That is freakin' entertainment.
In fact, I have some suggestions of other TV specials that I believe Americans are craving:
1. Tonight on NBC, watch Katie Couric fall off the roof of her house while trying to successfully install a 40-foot inflatable Santa Claus.
2. Stayed tuned after Survivor for a CBS Exclusive - Nancy Pelosi Drowns: Why No One Cared To Save Her
3. Larry King gets a pedicure...while naked - 9:00 Eastern on CNN.
4. Donald Rumsfeld eats his own feces on C-SPAN Live.
Enjoy the show folks!
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