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4.22.2005
JOAN RIVERS IS A FILTHY WHORE
Consider this an act of kindness. My fellow blogger, Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero recently posted some valuable information about the importance of headlines. I will now attempt to contribute my thoughts on the very same subject.
1. First and foremost, Joan Rivers may not be a filthy whore, but it sure got your attention. So, for the purposes of this article we will consider Joan Rivers a filthy whore.
2. I have chosen to use all capital letters in my headline to emphasize the whore-ness of Joan Rivers. This will draw the reader into the story.
3. By using the word "filthy" I am implying that there may be details within the story that describe the degree of whore-ness portrayed by Joan Rivers. Again, roping the reader in.
4. Shit. Lorrie is now suggesting that I use smaller type to prevent readers from just scanning the material. She could have mentioned this earlier.
5. Graphic images are suggested to help bring attention to the story. For the sake of humanity I will not use nude or partially nude pictures of Joan Rivers. But if you must have a visual - picture a wet poodle trying to hump a lawn chair.
6. Lorrie goes on to mention the importance of subheads. I really have nothing to say about that other than the word "subhead" is pretty amusing.
In the interest of capitalism I will help Lorrie promote her new software "Instant Headline Creator" which is available at www.red-hot-copy.com/instantheadlines.htm If you are copywriter buy this software and make yourself better at what you do.
And finally, while Joan Rivers is extremely small, very annoying and hasn't said anything funny since 1988, she certainly can't be considered a filthy whore just because I said so. Now, her daughter on the other hand...
1. First and foremost, Joan Rivers may not be a filthy whore, but it sure got your attention. So, for the purposes of this article we will consider Joan Rivers a filthy whore.
2. I have chosen to use all capital letters in my headline to emphasize the whore-ness of Joan Rivers. This will draw the reader into the story.
3. By using the word "filthy" I am implying that there may be details within the story that describe the degree of whore-ness portrayed by Joan Rivers. Again, roping the reader in.
4. Shit. Lorrie is now suggesting that I use smaller type to prevent readers from just scanning the material. She could have mentioned this earlier.
5. Graphic images are suggested to help bring attention to the story. For the sake of humanity I will not use nude or partially nude pictures of Joan Rivers. But if you must have a visual - picture a wet poodle trying to hump a lawn chair.
6. Lorrie goes on to mention the importance of subheads. I really have nothing to say about that other than the word "subhead" is pretty amusing.
In the interest of capitalism I will help Lorrie promote her new software "Instant Headline Creator" which is available at www.red-hot-copy.com/instantheadlines.htm If you are copywriter buy this software and make yourself better at what you do.
And finally, while Joan Rivers is extremely small, very annoying and hasn't said anything funny since 1988, she certainly can't be considered a filthy whore just because I said so. Now, her daughter on the other hand...
4.20.2005
Arnie The One-Man Party
I live in a state who's governor once played a "pregnant man" in a movie. Need I say more? Granted, my governor could kick your governor's ass any day of the week, but lets not get side tracked.
In a rare moment of political common sense, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger declared that we must "close our borders" to Mexico. "Because I think it is just unfair to have all those people coming across, have the borders open the way it is, and have this kind of lax situation," said the Governator.
Thank you, Arnold. Thank you for taking a stand on an issue that no one else seems to want to stand on. Thank you for thinking about about borders, our culture and our security. Thank you for not making a sequel to "Kindergarten Cop."
To make it clear, Arnold's handlers made the following comments after the initial backlash from people (read left-wing liberal lunatics) claiming Arnold was going to toss out all the gardeners and grape-pickers from California:
"The governor has talked before about the need to ensure that immigrants are put on a path toward fully participating in California's economy," spokeswoman Margita Thompson said. "But he feels they need to enter the country the right way, and must not undermine important security issues. He feels that the border needs to be secure."
Subject Hop: I once gave a golf lesson to former Governor Gray Davis' wife, Sharon. Did you know that the wife of a governor is referred to as the First Lady? That seems a little over the top, doesn't it? Anyway, she had a pretty good golf swing but her stance was way too wide. So without hesitation I informed the First Lady of California not to spread her legs so much. It was right around this time that my political fire began to heat up. Coincidence?
You heard it here first - illegal immigration with be the deciding factor in the 2008 Presidential Race. You know how I can tell? Because that rat-faced Hillary Clinton has already latched onto it tighter than her husband's grip on a cheap cigar.
In a rare moment of political common sense, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger declared that we must "close our borders" to Mexico. "Because I think it is just unfair to have all those people coming across, have the borders open the way it is, and have this kind of lax situation," said the Governator.
Thank you, Arnold. Thank you for taking a stand on an issue that no one else seems to want to stand on. Thank you for thinking about about borders, our culture and our security. Thank you for not making a sequel to "Kindergarten Cop."
To make it clear, Arnold's handlers made the following comments after the initial backlash from people (read left-wing liberal lunatics) claiming Arnold was going to toss out all the gardeners and grape-pickers from California:
"The governor has talked before about the need to ensure that immigrants are put on a path toward fully participating in California's economy," spokeswoman Margita Thompson said. "But he feels they need to enter the country the right way, and must not undermine important security issues. He feels that the border needs to be secure."
Subject Hop: I once gave a golf lesson to former Governor Gray Davis' wife, Sharon. Did you know that the wife of a governor is referred to as the First Lady? That seems a little over the top, doesn't it? Anyway, she had a pretty good golf swing but her stance was way too wide. So without hesitation I informed the First Lady of California not to spread her legs so much. It was right around this time that my political fire began to heat up. Coincidence?
You heard it here first - illegal immigration with be the deciding factor in the 2008 Presidential Race. You know how I can tell? Because that rat-faced Hillary Clinton has already latched onto it tighter than her husband's grip on a cheap cigar.
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