Michael Newdow Has New Mission

The world's most recognizable worshipper of Satan and all things evil has a new mission - removing the letters G, O and D from the alphabet.

In a statement distributed only to Scream Jerk, Newdow spells out his reasoning for eliminating these letters.

"The only way to remove God from our lives is to eliminate the letters that we use to spell the word God," Newdow said while deficating on a Bible. "If they can't spell it, they can't worship it."

Our scantily clad intern at Scream Jerk called Mr. Newdow but his answering machine picked up. "Hi, thanks for calling. I'm either away from my home right now or in my basement ritualistically burning neighborhood children and eating their charred flesh. Please leave a message."

Newdow is the doctor/lawyer who most recently tried to have the words "Under God" removed from the Pledge of Allegiance. That decision is still pending.