BREAKING NEWS

HILLARY CLINTON LACKS FEMALE PARTS

This is the scoop of all scoops. Scream Jerk has learned from uncomfortably close sources that Hillary Clinton was born without "female parts." According to the source, Hillary is "built like a Barbie doll, and I'm not talking about tall and busty." Apparently, Clinton has what some would call a void in the area of her "special pieces."

Immediately this raises questions about how Hillary was able to give birth to Chelsea. According to medical experts consulted by Scream Jerk, Hillary could have given birth via "mouth, ass or ear." The experts said that most likely, Chelsea was delivered through a method know as RER, or rear-end removal. This is a rather painful process for doctors to witness and most likely that doctor has now made permanent residence in some mental health facility.

As far as how Bill Clinton could have impreganated Hillary, the doctors say that when you lack female parts the other orifices of the body can act as a recepticle for the baby batter. And we all know that Bill Clinton pretty much likes to stick it anywhere.

In a recent poll conducted by EverythingNeedsToBePolled.com, of those asked whether Hillary would still be a good president without female parts, 100% of those polled threw up violently on the pollster.